“Baby’s First Blog”

I’m going to copy/paste my “About Me” section.  Some may argue that that’s cheating, but it explains a little about who I am and why I’m doing this.

“While we’re in full-disclosure-mode, this isn’t my real name.  It’s a combo of two very loved ones’ name and alias.  Those loved ones got taken from me way too soon, as a lot of people have.

People have been telling me for at least a decade and a half that I need to write a book, so I finally started jotting down stories about a year or so ago.  BRAND NEW to ALL of this (blogging, writing… now I’m writing a book?! Overwhelming.), and I’m still not sure how posting uncopyrighted material on here goes, so I’ll wait until I research that a little post those.  Also since I’m brand new, I’m willing and *wanting* some constructive criticism, because I know I need it.  All I ask is that you private message me to save my frail lil ego 🙂

I’m a 38 year old female-liberal-Texan (what?!) who’s full of acronyms. Major Depressive Disorder (MDD), a heaping spoonful of anxiety, noticeable Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), and what good would I be if my mother didn’t give me PTSD, from all the years of yelling and screaming her delusions at my father and I? I know it sounds cliché, but I believe most clichés are there for a reason, “PC” or not.  Even though I’m not going to talk about my mental illnesses all the time, explaining I have them may help you understand some of it, down the line.

I’ve been on meds since I was in the 7th grade (until 2002, it was just for MDD & ADD).  In 2008, I was diagnosed Bipolar II, then in 2014 I realized I only had the “lows,” and never the “highs.”  The lows started to get lower & lower, so I told my Dr I didn’t think I was Bipolar, “because I’ve never been that happy” (mania), and that I wanted off my zombie-inducing mood stabilizer so I could finally find the *right* combo of meds for me.

I tried for years, and nothing seems to work.  I don’t want the possible side effects from ECT, so I’m just going to deal with it as long as I can.  Thinking about microdosing psilocybin (yes, “magic”) mushrooms to see what that holds.  I’m really not that confident I’d even know what “normal” feels like, since I’ve honestly never been a part of it.

My hope is that writing *something* on here, whenever I can, is better than nothing.  Hopefully no matter how mundane it seems to me, some people may find some of it at least *somewhat* interesting, sometimes 😉

I love so many things about Texas, but it’s not where I belong.  I’m sure you’ll hear about my struggles to get outta here at some point… but I think I see a light at the end of the tunnel!

I can also be a bit long-winded, at times. Didja notice? (I write how I talk… Not sure if that’s a good thing or not. Probably not.)”

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